Recently am down with stupid stomach flu etc la.. Stupid weak body that I have.. Sigh.. But am glad that I have my dear by my side.. Even though she's sick too.. She's also take care of me noh.. I have a very powerful and strong dear.. Am really glad to have her by my side..

Darling.. I'm really sorry for being such a child at most times and also sorry that I'm always piss you off.. As much as I don't want to, in the end, I will always caused you to be angry of something.. Even if it's trivial.. I know this week is not really a very enjoying week.. But I really do hope that you enjoyed your week with me this week.. :D

It's almost been a year that we have been together already.. I really hope that I can bring you somewhere nice or I can get you something nice and it's something that you like.. (>.<) Dear I just want to say I really love you very much.. Hopefully we can really stay together like this.. ^^

But right now.. I'm miss you very much.. How I wish that I can be sleeping by your side now.. Hugging you.. Kissing your cheek.. ^^

Yesterday went into malaysia with dear..Then after that meet up with jie.. Starting it was very awkward.. Then we started to chat about some crap things..

Initial thought was Jie want to walk around City Square de.. But since she haven't eat.. So we decided to go to the place where she want to have her meal at.. which happen to be her 1st meal..

Went to Jusco at don't know what Jawa.. Jie told you I can't remember already.. =X Had A&W for it.. I finish eating already.. then jie just eating her burger halfway.. then who know she suddenly look up and say "i'm full already".. I was like =.=" ok nor..

Well.. At least yesterday I still can get to see deardear after she went back home.. Hehe.. Cause she came back to City Square again to fetch her meimei from tuition.. XD I'm so glad that I can see deardear again.. :)

Don't know why but feels kinda empty when deardear is not with me.. When videocall, you seems so near yet so far.. Everytime you go back to jb.. We will sleep only at 6am and I always hope that you can actually sleep longer the next day..

Well.. I really do hope that I am the right person for you.. I will do whatever I can do change myself.. :)

歌曲：谢谢你让我爱过你 
歌手：s.h.e 专辑：不想长大 

感觉天气冷了  

就加件毛衣  

而不是急着躲进  

某个人的怀里  

这么简单的常识  

我竟然忘记  

直到你离去  

才恢复记忆  

还可以呼吸  

心跳也还规律  

只除了寂寞  

它还不肯马上就平息  

相恋和失恋  

如果说都需要练习  

一次学会两种也算好事情  

谢谢你教会我爱需要两颗心  

谢谢你示范了什么人该放弃  

谢谢你提醒我痛会唤醒勇气  

谢谢你曾让我这样的  

爱过你  

只要睁开眼睛  

就有好风景  

再不用苦苦等你  

偶尔的好心情  

这种简单的快乐  

比玫瑰美丽  

我相信伤心  

会慢慢痊愈  

还可以呼吸 

心跳也还规律  

只除了寂寞 

它还不肯马上就平息  

相恋和失恋  

如果说都需要练习  

一次学会两种也算好事情  

谢谢你教会我爱需要两颗心  

谢谢你示范了什么人该放弃  

谢谢你提醒我痛会唤醒勇气  

谢谢你曾让我这样的  

爱过你 

I'm a good for nothing person.. I'm a liar.. A LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STAY AWAY FROM ME IS THE BEST! :)

One who always can't do things well for her gf.. Always do things that her gf dislike.. Should leave her gf early so that she wouldn't get hurt for too long.. :)

I'm always lying to you or if not, keep things from you and not telling you even though I said I didn't lie to you at all.. :) Thus, I'm a big fat LIAR!

Say will answer phone when in meeting/discussion and talk to you/listen to you but in the end, also didn't able to do it.. And now, I didn't tell you the truth about that id...

hehe.. friday went to Kbox with deardear.. At first wanted to watch Harry Potter de.. But all 12+am must wait so long.. In the end, we went to sing.. We sang till 3+am.. Reach home around 4am..

^^ Dear was always so objective about going to sing nor.. At last can get deardear to sing with me in K already.. ^^

Had so many big quarrels with deardear just within the week.. Can see I really sucks at relationships already na.. Sigh.. Don't know why I feel like I'm really meant for relationships.. Maybe cause my relationships always ended up bad?

Friday during that quarrel.. I went to the places that we have been to together the last time.. So many memories.. But most of them are unhappy memories..

I can never do anything right.. Always ended up causing bigger problems.. I think I should not burden anyone already ba.. It seems that whatever I do.. Noone seems to know what I'm doing.. Maybe I also don't know what I'm doing ba.. That's why what I did never did go according to "my plan"..

Maybe it will be better for me to go back to my loner life.. Where I'm just be with myself.. No interaction would be needed.. No need to worry anyone.. Nor they have to care about what I will do to cause them trouble nor they have to know actually what the hell am I thinking or doing..

I already don't know what am I doing.. Totally really don't know what am I doing at work.. Everytime had to do the same thing over and over again.. I'm always thinking about you at work..

Our r/s has become more and more on the brim of falling apart day by day.. Yet I still can't change myself.. Don't know why I'm always behaving like a small kid in front of you.. Maybe I feel that it will be weird to have 2 strong person together in a r/s ba? I'm always think of weird and unnecessary stuff.. Which also cause our r/s to get worsen..

I'm always doing stuff that I thought I could surprise u or make u happy.. But, nothing I do actually cheer you up.. Because you don't need them.. Sometimes I really wonder am I really fighting for this r/s like u said.. Cause sometimes I feel like I did something.. But yet I feel like I didn't did anything at all..

I don't want to let you go.. But.. I feels that I have hold too tightly to you already.. So tight that you might leave me anytime.. Just like when you're flying a kite.. If you hold on too tight.. The string will break.. But if you let go too loose.. The kite will fly further away from you.. R/s is just like flying a kite I think.. But I don't know how to fly a kite.. XD

Some random post.. Don't know what I'm actually blogging also.. HAHA! @_@ Today is a crazy day for me~ XD Slept at almost 6am.. Then woke up at 7am.. Don't know what was I doing either.. HAHA! I'm just a crazy right now.. Anyway, yesterday was a bad day to be our anniversary.. I'm always giving the worse anniversary persents.. Just like the previous 2 months.. ;) I am nothing but a dirt.. You deserve someone better than me.. Maybe someone like FL can treat you better I am.. CRAZY FELLOW I AM~! YEAH~!!! IGNORE ME PLEASE!!! I'M GOING CRAZY~~ XD

YOOHOO FRIENDS.. TRY NOT TO GET ME OUT ON WEEKENDS.. I HAVE NO INTENTION OF LEAVING MY HOUSE.. I'M PLAIN LAZY TO TRAVEL.. YES.. I'M MAD ALREADY.. XD MAYBE YOU ALL CAN JUST TREAT IT LIKE U ALL DON'T KNOW ME.. XD JUST LET ME BE.. Oops.. I FORGOT.. NOBODY COMES TO MY BLOG DE.. XD

I'm nothing more than a mere liar.. Everything I does and says always contradict each other.. Honesty and trust are they still with us?

Every night.. Everyday.. I asked the same old questions.. Do the same old things.. Even when you're sick, I could only bug you with more questions and thus, annoying you with my behaviour.. I don't know whether did I make any improvements already anot..

There is only like 7 more weeks to 05 Aug 2009.. The confirmation judgement date for our r/s if in the end.. I still didn't make it through.. :) Hopefully.. Things will work out for me..

Friday

I worked extra 15 mins.. Went to buy dinner.. Lots of people in queue for ATM.. Only one worker there in Subway.. Should have went to CP to buy instead of buying it at Clarke Quay... How dumb am I?

All these while.. These 8 months.. I'm the one who is jeopardising this r/s.. All the promises.. I couldn't keep them.. The one and only thing I really did was move out from my family.. This is the only small thing I did for you..

Like what you said.. My actions doesn't match my claimings of my love to you.. You don't want all my hardwork money.. Fine.. I know that we're going to break up soon.. And never did I expect that the 15 mins is all that I need.. :)

I've no confidence in myself that I will be able to keep you by my side for long.. It's not that I don't want to fight for this r/s.. I don't want to keep giving you empty promises and eventually go through the whole thing again..

Well.. You ask me to give you a reason to stay.. The only reason I have for you is I love you.. And I know this reason is the dumbest reason of all because all these while I have been showing nothing of sort.. :)

Saturday

Sent you back to JB.. Nothing much happen.. Went in and came out shortly.. Then rushed home to meet you before you go for your piano.. Played with you some rounds of games before you went for piano.. Thinking that you would let me know when you go over to gram like last time.. But maybe not anymore..

After you came back.. Yes I know you want us to shua.. And I should have told them that we want to shua now.. Instead of making you wait like an idiot for so long in game.. I wouldn't even expect you to have told me to "fuck off" from your life because of the game..

You told me to tell you everything truthfully and I did.. When I finished, I realised that you had already fell asleep and it's already 330am.. So might as well let you sleep.. Went back to game and shua with ric till about 5/530am.. :)

Sunday

As I mentioned didn't sleep much.. You woke me up.. :) Thanks for not angry with me anymore.. But I will not forget what happen.. :) Chat abit with you.. Played some games.. Till problems came in game.. =.="

So decided that everyone will just rest for the time being till later when you're home.. For me, I went back to sleep.. :) Then woke up again.. :) Played more games.. Then went to lie down at around 840pm.. Hoping that you really be home by 9pm and you would want to shua together as Yuki only just logged in for the whole of today..

When you said bo mood/no mood.. Noone really dare to talk to you.. That's why Yuki keep start game that fast.. And I'm dumb enough to think that you wouldn't have want to talk to me about it.. But anyway.. After that you did.. So anyway.. :) Maybe you still haven't forgive me ba.. :) And I know why you can't trust me anymore.. :)

But do note that.. The 2 month promise is still valid.. :) And that I still love you very much.. :)

Sunday

Had a big argument with you.. And had an agreement with you.. During the probation period of my work.. These time will also be my time to prove to you I'm doing my best for the changes..

Monday

Well.. You came in late to Singapore.. Went to SP.. Then came to meet me.. I'm so happy that I could actually leave about on time.. But was disappointed with myself that I took a nap when I'm home which I should be accompanying you...

Tuesday

Well.. You stayed home.. SP persons suppose to come and check on the meter.. But eventually said nothing wrong.. You called and arrange again.. I came home from work rushing home to see you but in the end, I missed because I didn't hear my phone on the message you sent.. After dinner and everything.. Once again.. I took a nap when I'm home.. Sigh...

Wednesday

You had to go back to your aunt place today.. Because of tomorrow stuff.. I'm fine with it.. Apologise that I keep calling when you're in your aunt place.. Today.. We sleep abit earlier.. We sleep around 3+am.. Sigh.. But I did took a nap when I'm home before we actually go to bed..

Thursday

You were suppose to go sentosa with PeiLing which you longed to go for quite a long time but didn't... You met up with her and suppose to meet me at 530pm... But I'm always such a disappointment.. I suppose that I didn't change much ba... At night, met up with you all for dinner.. Yeah, I was tired.. But I'm still fine with walking through the night.. It's fine and it's my first time doing so.. =D

Friday

Yeah.. I'm posting this before I go to work... Thinking that I'm not doing much thing about our relationship.. Thinking that I'm actually making the clock tick faster to the 2 months I'm left with.. Sigh.. I shall go for work already.. I love you my dear Laopo..

Seeing people scold you in game, doesn't make me feel any happy especially when kena gang scolding.. I know I'm not of a great help.. I just want to help some sort of way.. But I guess in the end.. I just couldn't do anything right ba.. :)

Seeing you getting scolding when you're not in game, even when they start calling u names.. Even so.. Getting scolded by them.. You got played by them in the end.. I'm not suppose to get piss? Yeah.. My tones are very harsh towards you, I know.. I just don't want you to waste so much time just scolding these stupid people?

I just don't like people scolding you names.. To you, scolding in games maybe like a meal already.. TO me, having you being scold in game, piss me off which don't only make me scold in game.. But also really pissed me off in RL..

I shouldn't have chase you to on one id.. I shouldn't have ask you to FL id which you will have problem in game.. So much things happen in just one night..

Cherish your other half.. Treasure them.. Don't regret it only after they are gone.. These were the words people who broke up will advise couples to do.. :) Well.. Obviously.. If I'm not wrong, I'm doing the opposite ba.. Oh well.. :) Maybe this job in the this company really has a curse on people relationship.. :)

What will be our next step? What more problems will we face? What should I do to really change myself? Obviously my means are not working anymore.. I have to start looking for solutions again.. :) You will just have to do nothing about yourself as I'm the one with the problems and troubles..

Seeing people break up so easily.. I'm beginning to wonder how come some people can let go so fast.. Don't they feel anything about the break ups? If yes, how did they handle them? I wonder.. I am a very fucked up person when it comes to relationship.. 

Don't know why but I will become very whiney towards you, even knowing doing so will piss you off.. Maybe I'm retarded ba.. Or maybe I stil just a coward ba.. Had been like this since young.. It must be in genes for being so stupid and acting so fucked up.. :)

Seeingyougettingdiuingameisjustnotafunthingtodo.

This week is quite ok.. Everything was fine after Monday.. Monday suck to the core.. I couldn't wake up.. Then in the end work till 8 plus.. which then my boss held me back for like 15mins?

The rest of the week goes to work as usual.. Nothing much except Thurs.. Our 8 month.. Dear lied to me about not hungry and cooked dinner for us.. ^^ Dear had gave and done so many things for me.. But I didn't give or done anything for you dear.. The only thing I've done or gave is to make you angry..

Why can't I CHANGE MYSELF?! Why do I always have to wait till you get angry? Why didn't I sit down and think about all these problems and solutions myself? Why didn't I think of Long term solutions?

These are the problems that I'm having problem with myself:

- Gaming

Don't download/read on any other games

- Sleepiness

Change my biological clock by going to bed at 3:30am - 4am every night

- Work OT

Avoid doing so

- Never really pay attention to what you want

Spend more time with you

- Sing along with SDO songs

Avoid doing so

- Financial

Stop spending so much on unnecessary stuff or eat expensive meals

This is going to be our 8th month together.. But apparently I still don't understand you very well.. Looking at the quiz result that I've done on facebook.. 

Even though knowing sa jiao won't work on you.. I still do.. How I wish that sometimes you can sa jiao on me.. Being with you makes me so happy that I often forget about many things.. The stress at work and stuff..

Maybe like what you said last friday, "Maybe I'm just a habit of yours, want to change then change.. You can still live without me.." To you, I might be replace easily or forget easily ba.. This whole week sucks.. No other weeks can get worse than this..

I'm so glad to hear that you have your week off from school.. I'm alright with you staying at home but having you to stay at home alone.. T_T I want to spend all my time with you.. But I feel this week is a damn short week..

We spend more time on games/online than real life.. Now I know why people will say gamers will never get together for long.. Everytime we don't goes online/gaming, if you notice we will get into arguments and I will always be the one who upset you.. 

I always try to give you whatever you want.. Yeah.. It's my fault for getting you all pumped up about able to get the wings online which turns out to be unable due to my fault for closing that account..

Nothing beats hugging you in my arms.. And I know that you will never be able to trust me ever again.. :) Everytime you ask me to think of what I really wants.. Do you think of what you really wants?

I seriously thinks that I'm causing you more anger compare to love.. I should let you go, let you be free, let you do whatever you like, whatever you want.. Nobody is there to restrict you.. Nobody to fight with you on decision you made.. Everything will be good for you..

I've been thinking about what you said yesterday.. You're right about me.. I didn't really pay attention to what you want/need.. I just do everything base on my assumptions and think of nothing.. Not even you..

Spending the 20 bucks just on modification of PSP without even thinking of anything nonetheless, asking for your opinions/comments.. Leaving you really came to my thought at the time I saw you safe and sound.. I was really thinking of leaving you when I handed over your wallet to you..

I know you're really sick and tired of hearing the same old things over and over again.. I won't repeat them again.. I just want you to know.. I love you very much dear.. So much so that I just want to be with you all the time.. Every morning I had to fight the desire to lie in the bed with you to go to work..

Hoping everything would be fine later on.. Everyday was a disappointment.. As I ruined every single day with myself not able to project my voice enough for you to hear me.. For being engage with other people stuff/responsibility.. I just want to end the day quickly so that I can come home to you as soon as possible..

Darling I really love you very much.. Somehow I really don't know what will our future be like.. But I will do my best to make everything the best.. ^^ I love you my darling..

We're from 2 different world that had come together 8 months ago.. I'm sorry for making you feel this way.. The insecure and you being paranoid on stuff.. I'm not a very good lover.. You don't have to feel inferior to my ex.. She's like you.. I'm the one whom always got scolded by her..

The only thing she helped me with was my studies.. The rest I'm just a burden to her, just like what I'm feeling recently.. I'm just a burden to you.. You may say you don't feel that way but I somehow feels that I'm burdening you.. Maybe cause I'm causing you not being able to go forward for your dreams..

You mentioned that there are moments when you don't know whether we are really meant for each other.. The thoughts went through my mind everytime.. Everytime thinking that they will be someone better out there for you.. Like FL who is so in love with you...

Talking about the past.. Yes they were my happy memories.. I'm happy talking about them.. Do you think I don't feel the same way as you do when you and your friends talked about them? I'm not trying to restrict you from talking about them or saying that we can't talk about the past.. I was just trying to share some of my past with you.. Letting you know what my past was like..

I've been trying my very best to get you laugh or smile without worries for these past 6-7 months.. But however, this seems to only work when you're with your besties.. :) Which is why I used to ask you to go out with them more often.. :) I like the carefree side of you.. Not having to worry about me all the time..

I do know that you don't meant to flare up on me.. Cause you are too worry about me and yet I showed that it doesn't concern me.. Everytime you flare up at me.. I'm like "oh my.. I did it again.. Even though I knows that you're be worry sick and in the end angry with me.. Yet I did it again.." The feeling sucks.. Having to go through the same arguments over and over again.. Always can't express the wrong things is my fault..

Of course I know you cares.. It's just your care and my care and concern are just different way of showing ba? Mine is to care and concern in some manners that you might think I'm just doing something very irritating to you, very stupid, very bo liao.. But that's me.. I like to care in a more quiet manner..

Do you notice that I've not really get angry with you? I don't know whether you know or don't know it.. It's not like I don't want to.. But I know if I do.. Eventually, I'll end up regretting it.. :) Cause if you're damn angry/piss.. And if I do flare back.. Do you even know what you will say in your spur of moment? In the very end, I'll be the one who regret doing so.. :)

Dear.. I love you very much.. The road for us are still very long.. I just hope we can just mention everything between us to each other.. Don't hide anything from each other.. :) We had really go through lots of things already.. There shouldn't be anything yet.. Till your side start to action.. So.. Let's walk through the rest of the time together ok? I'll be there to walk through them with you.. :) I love you dear..

Today is a disaster day. 

First thing is you can't come back. 

Second, i've got 7 journal need to pass... 

Third, bloody fucker not coming in today...

Fourth, there are bloody names without IO or CRG..

Fifth, after i'm done with the journals at around 7pm then I was only told that each journal can only have up to 999 lines?!

Sixth, trying very hard to finish everything so that I can come home early to pei you.. which in turns to be the opposite.. Cause I ended up making more and more mistakes.. which eventually makes Iza let me goes off.. 

Seventh, piss you off cause I come home late, make you stayed up and wake for me..

Been crying once I've stepped into the cab till now.. Thinking that everytime I piss you.. What happens.. Being all stress up by myself cause of my stupidness.. Yeah.. What u say is right.. Why everyone can just don't care about anything at work when they are on leave? Why I can't?

It's my fault for not asking details for the stuff I'm doing for the first time.. It's my fault for not asking for help earlier till someone is not there for help.. It's my fault for fearing people will scold me..

*u got every right to not see me.. not listening to me.. or even want to break up with me..

*cause i'm always the one who piss u..

*who makes u worried..

*who making u do stuff that u dun like..

*who duno how to treasure u..

*who duno how to treasure this relationship

I love you so much dear.. I don't even want you to leave me.. Our relationship have been very wobbly.. Because of me.. I'm sorry for making u feel suffer so much with me.. Having you to worry about me even though i'm turning 21.. Every week I've only so little time to spend with you.. And yet I keep wasting the time on my work.. Making you angry.. I just want to make you happy.. I just want to stay by your side..

Having arguments everyday looks like our daily meals now.. Haseo said something interesting to me just now.. He said..

"Last time don't you two together.. You two want to die.."

"Now everyday together.. Then you two keep arguing.."

Interesting eh? Maybe not to you.. But to me, yes..

Don't know why I keep having this thinking that I'm just an extra here.. Not knowing whatever I do will please you anot.. Not knowing what I did actually make you angry except those which I often does.. Seeing you remove the ring everytime we quarrel.. Makes me think maybe I'm not that important anymore cause eventually I'm the extra burden to you.. I'm always causing you trouble.. Adding to your worries.. 

Sometimes I really hope that I can just disappear and see what's everyone reaction about it.. And I often thinks that nobody will actually notice me.. I'm just a nobody.. Just a busybody whom don't even know how to manage her love life even though her love life is at the cliff edge already.. Yet she will do stupid things to worsen the situation..

Don't know why am I always end up hurting you.. Let's just hope that our next 3 days together will be peaceful and happy.. I'm a mad person.. Pls ignore this post... ^^

Thursday

Had a big quarrel with my dear due to our mobile phone bills. True, my pay is not able to support us both. I'm real sorry for being such a idiot to say I don't want to use your money, make you so angry. In the end, I don't know why deardear not angry with me already. I'm really a stupid idiot.

Friday

Nothing much. Just that kena scold by boss for saying "No sense of responsibility"? damn sian noh. She expect me to do so many things. Sigh. Whatever. Because of this, I'm home late which then cause my dear to be angry with me.

Then went to cut my hair at Hougang. Then went to Hougang point for dinner. Went to Fairprice to buy grocery. After that, went back home. Slept at almost 5am. Cause dear and I was watching show. By right, we should sleep early cause dear "daddy" is coming to fetch us into jb the next day. ^^ Free ride in. Help us save money.

Saturday

Woke up at almost 12pm. Wake dear up cause by right suppose to meet up with Rick at 1230pm but I think cause we're not ready, he went to pick up Zinette first. =X Have to wait for 2 days before I can get to see dear again.

Ate at shilin in JB, after eating I should have gone back to singapore straight. But instead I accompanied my dear which appears to be only causing her not to be able to get her laptop today. =( I didn't meant for that to happen. Then we saw Edmund and his gf. He really everytime go Malaysia seh. -.-"

Sigh. Why am I always able to piss you in game or real life so easily? I really think I'm a useless person. In terms of everything. I love you dear. I really do.

I'm really damn useless.. Other than making you mad.. I don't seem to be making you much more happier.. Seeing you joke and laugh with your friends, make me seem real small, tiny.. It's not because I'm jealous..

It's just that I can never really seems to make you that happy, make you laugh like that.. We used to laugh like that.. When we first met.. We had great laughs.. I really don't want to be your burden.. Maybe I'm just not that type of person that I think myself would be..

Thought I could support our lives living out without wanting you to really fork out much money.. I just want you to enjoy spending our time together.. Irregardless of whatever will happen in the next 2 years.. Who knows.. Maybe one of us will turn straight..

I would think that you will be a much happier person than you are now when you're back to straight.. Like your previous blogs.. I can see how much you love your exs.. And how happy you were when you were mentioning them on your blog.. How much you miss him.. And so on.. Maybe I'm just plain jealous ba? I don't know..

But you're the definitely my most important person in my life.. The person whom I love so much.. Whom I will never ever let you go if I could.. I want to spend my rest of my life with you.. Go overseas together.. Go shopping together.. Cook together.. They will be the wonderful memories..

I'm bored~~~ Keep helping ppl get their mobile phone bill from the stupid eBA system.. And AP is having so many ppl on leave right now.. -.-"

I will be having lunch alone later.. Deardear was so tired noh.. Sigh.. Can't blame her.. I miss her neh~ Hope she won't miss her lesson later.. Cause after she called me to ask me go for lunch alone.. She went back to sleep..

How I wish I can do something for you dear.. You've been so tired recently... How come?